Sarcastic Mom
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- Lotus Carroll
- I'm a sarcastic mom ready to share my views on the simultaneous joy and hell of being a new mommy, a wife, and living my life in general. Anything's game. Getting offended is a possibility. Laughing is required . . . . Sarcastic Mom Dot Com
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59 comments:
Yucky and hilarious at the same time. Poo is like that sometimes.
I don't know whether to laugh or say "awwww poor you". Thankfully I didn't have to go through this with Krystina. With Emilee who knows.
Poor Lotus
Oh.
Dear.
God.
I'm not squeamish, but da-amn.
girl! I remember those days! I pity you. Clean up sucks! Just wait until he starts pooping in the tub on purpose!! This is my world right now.
You poor thing ~ John misses all the fun doesn't he ~ lol.
Whoa. I know you warned us and all, but ... whoa.
I'm sorry but...
bwah ha ha ha ha
Ok. sorry. That was just horrible. And there were pictures. And I almost pee'd my pants.
Luckily I haven't had to witness the doo-doo to this extreme. But Kolby used to have a habit of wanting to dig into his diaper after a load, and you guessed it....Clothes, hands, face...Possibly mouth. Once you become a Mother, you are no longer squeamish!
Does this mean you haven't had the luxury of cleaning up the poo that has been smeared all over the wall, the crib, and the kiddo as a surprise first thing in the morning? Because that is 90% of the reason I use cloth diapers that have SNAPS - no velcro/paper/easy to take off diapers are allowed in my house!
Those pictures need to make it into his "let's show the fiancee" slideshow when he grows up! :)
You did warn. I still read on - poor, poor poopy you.
(I don't miss those days.)
WAYYYY back in the day, our little fella had the baboon butted horors with yeast infections, and weeping sores. And yes I know all too well that they are not due to infrequent changing. We switched to cloth dipes and the baboon butt went away completely. And with a good washer & dryer? It really wasn't any less convenient then disposables. Seriously loved this post. Why do their eyes always twinkle so when they fling poo?
OMG, I'm so sorry. I too have had several poop smearing experiences and it is awful. When my son was about a year and a half we started putting duct tape around his diaper at night so he wouldn't get it off.
Yuck yuck and yuck.
You are so brave for posting photos. Or maybe just for allowing your camera to be used so closely to such carnage.
/shudders
I just cleaned one of those diapers. It was "clean the kid, clean the floor, clean the kid, clean the floor."
I already have the potty seat, I swear to God I'm encouraging potty knowledge asap. I HATE poop. And I SUCK at cleaning it. And you know how I hate dry soap hands ... ugh. I'm in hell.
And, not that you remotely want to hear this - but cloth diapers often help diaper rash.
::i should not laugh:;
::i should not laugh::
::i should not laugh::
OH who am I kidding . . .HA!
Sorry! I've been there, done that, which is why I feel I can laugh. It's a sympathy laugh. A man-do-I-know-how-THAT-feels laugh.
Oh dear oh dear oh dear!
I have always gone with Pooptastrophe, but now I am jealous and wish that I had coined Scatastrophe. I am so stealing it. Sad, that there are enough situations in my life right now where I need a good word for that.
Thoughts upon reading this:
- Please tell me he didn't eat it!
- Thank God we have hardwood floors.
- Amos ALWAYS has aftershock poops. Cannot imagine ever being able to let him go diaperless.
Oh dear. Oh oh oh dear.
I love that you took photo's. I need to keep my camera handy at all times.
I totally agree with your reasoning that if they just filled the nappy, you should be safe for a few minutes.
Or at least a did a fortnight ago before I had 2 of these incidents.
Amy's poo was mustard yellow (breastmilk) and I have cream carpet. UGH.
Was that a raisin I saw? All our big poop catastrophes always center around raisins. Damn those evil fruit to hell!
Yet another reason we remained child-free. Though my mother said you haven't really had a Turdrageous Experience until you have to clean kidshit off crib rungs... Ahem...
fringes - you said that right.
angie s. - laugh. definitely laugh.
sleeping mommy - Da-amn is not the only curse word I thought.
karen - there is nothing finer that squishy poo rubbed into carpet, no?
daneille - at least I send him pics and vids. ;-)
bubandpie - hehehe... you'll take my warnings more seriously in the future, huh?
colleen - don't feel bad about laughing... we all have to laugh at poo!
kimloveskolby - isn't the mouth part just the best?
courtcourt - no crib poop yet, thank God! *knocks on wood REALLY hard*
lisa milton - poor poopy me! hahha, I like that.
txpoppet - cause they're lil chimps!
bunny - I'm glad the photos have been so well received, if not gagged over a little. I was wondering how that'd go. ;-)
dawn - oh, honey, I feel yer pain. And the buttrashes have actually gotten MUCH less of a problem in the past month for some reason! Figure that! I'm not complaining!
kimberly - no no, laugh! Or I'll cry!
chantelle - I am pretty proud of "scatastrophe" Use away!
imaginary binky - Well, I wasn't in the room, so I don't know... it WAS on his hands and face. But he never cried - and I can't imagine being OK with the taste of CRAP. Heh.
Veronica - isn't just the most fun ever!? We have so many incidents like this, truth be told. But he loves being naked... so I continue to Clean Up Poo.
Kelly - nope, not a raisin - a black bean. I have a friend named Amanda with a great raisinpoo story, though. ;-)
krishanna - I think it speaks volumes for how cool momhood is that I can deal with poo like this constantly and STILL call it the best thing I've ever been blessed to experience! Either that, or it's been the final straw in driving me completely insane. ;-)
Whew! Love you guys! Keep 'em comin!
OMG!!! LMAO!!! OK, so it's not funny cleaning up, but damn! That's one for the baby book!
Baby book, HELL! Blackmail photos! Heh.
You know you're a mom when you TAKE PICTURES OF POOP and share them with others.
(The Conqueror sends a big high-five to Brayden.)
Oh man, oh man, oh man.
Hysterical - all of it. OMG... hysterical!
I have had my share of poop emergency baths - but never had I been required to clean the face.
He has a sweet face - even when dirty.
Oh, the visuals. Ick!
My Baby has digestive problems, so we had a very similar experience earlier this week. Awesome.
fecal catastrophe? bwahahahahaha....
the drama king did this at the age of 2 ... on the brand new (very white) carpet of our new house. we hadn't even moved in yet!
he's 24 now. he doesn't do that kind of thing much anymore.
That is teh nasty!
(But oh, so awesome.)
I'm all about the poo.
What the crap (pun intended) are the chunks in the poo? I tried to look quickly but still.
Liam did this on more than one occasion when I was in denial about his ability to take off his diaper. I was so very very wrong and came out to similar horror. Including on my tv. *vomit* I don't DO well with poop to begin with let alone poop EVERYWHERE. I'm so not cut out for this mama gig.
Ahhh. Poop and kids. It's a beautiful thing. Or something.
Holy crap. I had to go past the pictures quickly. Yick.
I love "scatastrophe." That's a great word.
That is the funniest thing I've seen/read all week! And I love the pics of YOU, they soooo capture the smell! LOL!!
But seriously, I feel for you. And the cheeks are adorable under all the poo!
That was funny, but your son is going to hate you when he's fourteen, and his first girlfriend finds pictures of this on the internet!
Mommy Cracked & krishanna - oh yes, the baby book. We are saving these... and every time he claims I "don't do anything" (god, how I know that wil come one day) I will pull this pic out and shove it in his face.
Toni - I know, right? I was taking them, thinking... how nuts is everyone going to think I am for this?
ohmommy - yeah, I was most disturbed by the poo on face. I think he missed his mouth THANK GOD.
Beck - I lika da visualization. Sorry to hear you flung the poo yourself. ;-P
janet - BWAHAHAHA @ he's 24 now. he doesn't do that kind of thing MUCH anymore.
Jess - that is precisely the type of reason why I have fallen in love with yourself.
M - the poo has a lovely mixture of visible carrot and black bean chunks. Healthy food for my little SHIT MACHINE. :-) Oh, and with all the CRAP on tv (pun intended also) I don't think there needs to be any more! ;-)
alejna - Yes, I am seriously proud of "scatastrophe." I think anyone using it from now on should give me a cut of anything they earn from the usage. Which is bound to be millions, I tell ya.
ann - haha, thanks! I'm glad you could read the look of "OH MY DEAR LORD, THE SMELL" on my face. I'm an open book, man.
Exrement has never gotten so much attention. I love you all, from the bottom of my son's ass.
slutty mcwhore - LMAO @ your name, and GOOD, by then he'll have done so much to deserve it, I'm sure.
Wow, you sure had a crappy evening. I hope you were able to get it out of the carpet. We have no carpet in our home now, about 16 years late after having a child that puked constantly.
My youngest son used to get the worst diaper rash. Other people would think that I just left him sitting in wet diapers all the time and that's why it was so bad, but he just had a sensitive hiney, he still does and he's 6 years old and doesn't wear a diaper!! The people with their nasty wet diaper thinking thoughts used to really tick me off too.
If I buy el cheapo toilet paper that boy gets a rash on his bottom. If we're visiting someone and he uses their potty and they used a perfumey cleaner thing or some other weirdness, he gets a rash on his bottom.
Sorry about the poo mess :-p It could have been worse! I hope the tooshie stays free of sore spots and the carpet stays free of poo for at least another month.
---giggle---
Been there, done that, washed the t-shirt.
That was hilarious! Of course, I can relate, so I can laugh. Only I had to change MY clothes too!
Please tell me you didnt' get any on your camera.
Thanks for the add(nAbLOpOmO). I'll be back.
Feel free to stop by (Crap-o-rama) after the trama passes. hehe
~S
ROFL!!! My post from yesterday was entitled "The Poopiest Puppy Ever." Only mine didn't eat his poo. I also have no photos of the poo, but I do have video. I did my share of baby poo when I was raising kids; I guess I missed it enough to start taking care of puppies!
That is awesome. You've gotta love the power of poo. I can't wait to be a mom! (I mean that with absolutely no sarcasm at all. I swear to God. I want a baby that bad!)
That is too funny. You had both me and my husband laughing over the pictures. I guess that is what we have to look forward to with twins.
Holy Shit - literally! How can one child produce that much carnage? Clearly I need to feed my daughter more!
That brings back memories of the time I took my son (he was 7 months old then) with me to visit some friends I hadn't seen in forever. I picked him up from his car seat, and he had had such a huge blowout, it had oozed out of his diaper and smeared all over my new shirt. Good times!
I should feel bad, but it's too funny.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahaahahhaahhaha
:D
Too freakin hilarious! I get sooooo grossed out when the poo gets on me or my clothes. But the carpet? Oh, (shudder) my.
Poor guy. That smell on his face will stick around for some time, huh? I remember my kids painting walls with their crap, but I don't remember taking it as well as you did. I think I gagged and yelled and gagged some more. I am sorry you had to clean that CRAP up! Ick. I am not squeamish at all, but I didn't have to look at 6 am.
I had poop under my fingernail this weekend if that helps...
Is it weird that I wasn't grossed out by the pictures? Ahhh I love how motherhood desensitizes...
Ewwwwwwww! We were trying out some Dora panties with Miss A this morning and she had some runny nasty a** poop episode.
Hey, I have a poop on the carpet story from last year. I did not take photos of the carnage, though. Here it is... Enjoy! ;)
http://blondemomblog.com/2006/01/18/i-almost-ate-what/
OH...MY...GOD. I don't think I'll ever be ready for that.
Holy Sh*t. Laughing hysterically.
Pause.
Taking my pill.
And back...I love kids, know I will have lots but not yet. I have yet to develop the capacity to work with this particular situation.
But I might start practicing that face you were making just to be prepared:)
Oh so gross, but oh so funny!
My worst poop experience: Julia took a bath with me and decided to make it a poop soup bath. Awesome.
This absolutely cracked me up. My heart goes out to you - we have had similar instances at our house and it is NOT a fun thing to clean up.
Love your blog.
And "they" say being a mom is rewarding. I need those picks for the next idiot that says that line!!!!
Wow. That was a blowout. Impressive.
Your carpet cleaner will love you.
I don't even smell it anymore....
And yeah...the clean up......oh man...
hosing kids and clothing down in the tub is always a treat.
I just wanted to say Your Blog is a hoot!!! I love it... I will be back more and more.. I am adding your to my sidebar...
ME!
OMFG, how did I miss this one?
You poor thing. Poor, poor thing.
Together, you and I can rule the skid mark world!
Brilliant. Totally fuckin brilliant.
Oh my god. You are, hands down, The Master.
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